Hey, there

I am writing this post as a part of my recovery process(at least I feel like doing it), and it may be found helpful for some people or at least funny to read for those who don't get my message/my english

I am  sure it is a right time to make this post due to situation in the world and rapidly growing amounts of players and it is mainly orientied for those who understands the damage gambling may cause to themsleves(not only financial) but can't find a right way to quit, or just got pulled in this "wonderful" world of huge winnings, high odds and easy money. 

My appologies for such a long text, guys, I just had to share my thoughts with you and really hope that at least one person will find this information helpful to reconsider their attitude to gambling than I will be pleased and my 2-weeks deep research with an assistance from psychodelic substances was not in vain Enjoy reading/don't blame my English/ask questions

Let's start with introduction - I am 24yo guy from Europe, and I am a fucking gambler(used to be). I am not a nerd, nor a guy who knows everything about anything and trying to impose own ideas to everyone. I am a guy who once made a mistake and it swallowed me up for over 7 years. (obviously not all 7 years I was gambling non-stop, but anyway). I became addicted to gambling for 7 years, doing bets mainly on eSports(Dota 2/CS:GO), the sport that I really enjoy watching and following eSports scene and unfortunately used to be involved in it

How it all started

As I can describe it now from a perspective of a person who went through this path - there are only 2 scenarios when you "enter a casino"(making a bet or whatever) for the first time in your life. And it is really simple - you either win or lose money. And obviously you will not become a gambler if you start your way with losing money (if you are not retarded of course). So, it has started with a win for me. Now when I remember this time, I feel sorry for myself that I haven't lost that money.

I have deposited 20$ and started doing betting on a major tournament in Dota 2, and as I said, believe me or not, I was really good in analytics and in 3 days from 20$ I made 350$. As a 17yo guy, who had just started his bachelor's in europe(originally I am from mother Russia), it was a not-bad money, especially when you get it that easy. And this amount was an exact goal for me, because I was doing this betting in game skins, and I wanted to get a skin equivalent to 350$ and I did it. After that I forgot about gambilng for some time, while flexing this achievement to my friends, unconsciously making them feel that if I did it, they can overcome my success and creating some sort of competition. Luckily for me, almost all friends of mine lost their first deposit and I felt like a king amoung them. I never knew that they were the winners in this situation, not me.

You think you control the situation

As have said I stopped my gambling career after a first win, now I wanna share how I came back to this "drug". I was just living my life, studying, partying with my homies and due to a lack understanding of how money works in this world, I was only spending it, now saving or investing in myself. So, I faced up with a situation when I was running out of money I really wanted, let's say to buy some dope and a "brilliant" idea came up to my mind - why not hustle some money on eSports as I have already done before. Well, after half a year break from my first win, convinced that I am a betting guru I started betting again. This time I entered, what I call a "swamp", that is really-really hard to escape. I deposited like 15$ and was trying to hustle at least 100$, I created a "system" of secure bettings for myself, so I knew what amount do I bet and on what type of event. Example: If I have 88$ on my acc, I place 8$ on a high odd with a less probability to win, and 15$ to smth I am sure about and if I go lose, I just stop at 50$ till next day. I thought, damn, I am a genius, using this system I can never lose all money, ha. If you are also doing any kind of gambling, it sounds pretty familiar for you, right? You have a feeling that you know how gambling works and it earns money on stupid people who doesn't have any idea about, let's say, risk/money management while gambling and YOU are this 5% of players, who earn money from them, right? Yes, you are right, casino earns money on those who cannot control their EMOTIONS while they gamble.

But here's something for you to think about: If casino makes money on those who cannot control their emotions while gmabling, then the main goal for casino is to create a system/conditions that will help a player to lose a control. Does it make any sence? What I am trying to say that when you are inside gambling processes you never ever even try to think deeper about processes going in your brain, all you think about is getting easy money or loosing it and trying again. 

There are always close game situation(in sport), or almost a bonus game/mega win/jackpot(in slots) or always a river lucky card(in poker) that once will make you lose control in gambling, and will swallow you up in a "gambling swamp", and from this time, it doesn't matter for how long you had been milking money from casino's cow, this time casino will shake your emotions and get control of the situation and start milking you till you get empty.

When it happens, you have 2 scenarios: forget about this money/accept a loss(this one is really tough, and as longer you stay in casino's swamp it becomes harder and harder) and then there is possibility that you gonna find a reason to come back to casino anyway or you can just accept it, blame a team/slot machine/luck and as soon as you get any money, you will try to return what you have lost "unfairly" again and again and again.

2 ways of gamblng

Gambling as an entertainment |  You just support your favorite team on big matches/You go to casino(not online one) and you know that you will pay no more that  __$ in exchange for emotions and can easily accept a lose and don't return to it for a long period of time | Pretty hard to get addiction, if you completely control your emotions / budget / free time

Gambling as a source of income | You are flashed by big win/stories from people who earn momey on it - it starts destroying your personality - you can have brilliant ideas in ur mind, hobbies, business plan, but when you are gambling all your focus is only on gambling. You can never start consider gambling as a source of income/easy money if you are not retarded, you are just losing control because of the emotions casino provides and feeds you with, and the more emotions it takes from you - the more destruction to your personality it cause. 

Conclusion

My conclusion here is simple: there is no win scenario in gambling, a big win is just a bigger load of semen from casino in your eyes to make you more blind, and every "huge win" is not a win, because the money that you get from casino is an easy money, that you don't deserve and you can either lose it all, and later on convince urself that if you have already won once you can easily do it at least one more time again, or you can withdraw it and spent on some useless shit that you don't need and then when you run low, you will come back to casino for another load in your eyes.

Definately gambling is not like a heroin addicntion, because it doesn't affect your pshysical condition/body. But when people do drugs/or basically everything - it is always a trade for emotions(if you don't think so, try to think again) and emotions that casino gives you are so strong that you can't even compare them with your everyday activities. And the same as with every drugs, once you are in, there's a tolerance, so you need to increase dosage or in this case, bet amount to get the emotions.

You may consider gambling as just a hobby, but the main purpose of this post is to share my long experince and thoughts about it. Because when it has all started, I couldn't even guess that it can take me that deep.

P.S. It is my first time writing a post, thank you if you read it till the end / if you enjoyed it I can continue this post by sharing my stories on what was next, how a well-known betting company blocked my account with 4k$ when I finally stopped beeing a minus player there and what were the consequences  | This post is just a top of an iceberg and gives a quick view on my story and some conclusions I came up with