Broke into an abandoned apartment complex with a few friends. Sadly, we didnt find any demons or ghosts.

Did you find a mirror in there and say "Candyman" three times? I think that step is crucial unless you have a puzzle cube.

Know this cunt's address, don't wanna beat his ass up, wanna fuck with him instead (nohomo)

Perhaps something befitting of the reason you're pranking him to begin with. For example, if the reason were to be that he stole your girl send escorts or strippers to his house while they're hanging out. Or, iff he's an asshole over the internet set up a deauther at his house so he can't get on WiFi. The punishment should befit the crime.

7. don't be a douche 

This should be #1 on the list, really. Although, if the aim is to befriend douches this doesn't apply.

Damn, you're gonna throw mergesort at him from the get-go?

Tough shit OP, pull through rn

This is Nulled, we have to have higher standards. Expect the unexpected.™